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[26 Aug 2008|10:09pm] honestly. I envy every person that is normal. Shits getting hard to deal with. I could write alot, but I don't have the time, or the patience. FUCK FUCK FUCK. im tired of fucking obessesing, im tired of having to RE ARRANGE my entire day just because my stomach made a wierd nose. im tired of STARVING just because I think I might have been exposed to a fucking virus. Im tired of shaking, im tired of nervous nights. im tired of this impending doom feeling. I just want to eat a really big meal and not FREAK OUT Im tired of freaking out when I know I don't have my pills on me. im scared to die. but on nights like these I wish I had the balls, I wish I was fearless. but nah, ill just stick around...feeling awkward...feeling wierd. not making real connections with people...I have two real ones. Analise and Shane. Shanes long gone, hes not there for current situation kills me sometime...because I know its not real give a thought

[25 Jan 2007|01:13pm] wow. im in school wierddddddd. I enjoy it actualy. Writing is taking up the majority of my time. which is good because im occupying my time which means no more nervous april....just stressed out april psyc would be boring (atleast the history part) if they teacher wasn't so fucking cool. wish I had it more then one monday a week and art....oh my god bring on the razor blades and or coke to keep me awake and un zoning out in that class....so fucking boring. and the teacher is the overly religous crip keeper that wants to here nothing about the davinci code because its completly ridiculous. hehe. but she lets us go early. and she gave me money to eat so thats cool. im ready to go to miamiiiiiii. now. warm weather...please? ive never missed somewhere so much in my life. and its not like I can just get in my car. it takes planning and unfortantly money. damn it. owell. hopefully in the spring. 2 remembered| give a thought

[04 Jan 2007|01:06am] "its still on the table next to my bed" give a thought

M [03 Jan 2007|11:47pm] my stomach just dropped Im giving all his stuff back. he didn't yell at me. and this might be civil. argh. can I go throw up now give a thought

[02 Jan 2007|07:15pm] Usually you try to better yourself but you my friend, are fucking up royaly, and im enjoying every second why do you give me something to laugh about? in other news new years can blow me even thoe I had a boyfriend that I was with when the ball was dropping, I still didn't want a kiss, I just wanted to be alone and cry and be emo, haha. but I got that new years kiss then I called analise so me and shane drove to that party, and I was ready to get shit faced, so I went to go get some food and it took us an hour at waffle house, by this time it was like 3am, and the party got broken up, so I couldn't drink SHANE IS DONE WITH HIGHSCHOOL IN LIKE 20 MORE DAYS and Then I start college. exciting, im kind of ready to go, I really didn't know what to do with myself if I had to go threw another time to sit there and do NOTHING. and I really dont feel like getting another shitty job. and shanes hes got his shit together, and when im with him I really want to do something with my life. anywyas my hairs almost done processing give a thought

[26 Dec 2006|02:36am] well. christmas was over. This year by far as been the least magical xmas. no one was really happy. my uncle is a douchebag, that will never change. I want to perpetually punch heather in her face, and now punt her new addtion skuishy (the dog) Now I look back and really wish that I hadn't stayed bitter the whole entire day. But I spent xmas eve and the majority of early xmas morning with shane, and then practically the rest of xmas helping him with his senior project. six fucking months. doesn't seem like it. If I hadn't re met him id probally be married and.......well god knows where I would fucking be right now. and thats wierd. I hate how we re met, and damn it I thought about matt alot this xmas, just missing his friendship mianly, but shit happens I suppose. gah my head hurts ehhh cross ur fingers ill be in NYC when the ball drops this year, its looking good money wise, but it all depends if shanes mom lets him go on such short notice Ive been thinking so much lately. about what im going to do, how im going to make myself happy this year. give a thought

[24 Dec 2006|03:07am] One fucking year later I find out the truth. I can't describe my emotion right now. give a thought

[08 Dec 2006|07:51am] does anyone else find it wierd......how people are all connected in some way shape or form like the guy you liked two years ago girl toy was talking to a guy friend you know now like two years ago....thus fucking him over? and having the same damn girl going after the guy you go after time after time and not being planned. I think its just not preventable with me and beth. I swear, everytime I think a boys hott, shes done beat me to a myspace comment. and then all these wierd fucking confusing tangled webs we weave. and how life is really a soap opera? im enjoying life now and its crazy. Im thinking about getting a apartment in greensboro. but i dont know. I need to find someone to move in with me 1 remembered| give a thought

[17 Nov 2006|05:56am] new hair, and new photoshoot. ( enjoy ) 3 remembered| give a thought

[16 Nov 2006|06:02am] I77 IHOP snowboarding french toast, eggs and and bacon charlotte mooresville statesville The ice house moses cone ER baptist hospital ER starlite hotel key west bayside alkaline trio those are a couple things I want to burn to the ground. for some reason I dont say miami, and im not sure why. maybe I just love it to much oh im so bitter. and I shouldn't be. and I still care about him, and I still want to be his friend im perfectly happy with shane, hes gorgeous, and were both wierd, qwirky, and slightly disgusting. and im glad hes put up with all my "getting over" process, and listens to me whine about how it still upsets me. AND were going to miami. lifes just not going right and he called so im going to talk to him instead of you haha give a thought

[15 Nov 2006|05:26am] Ive never had someone piss me off more then this person possibly could. hes such an ass, and im such a bitch. and ive never wanted to just hurt someone, I dont want to see other people hurt him, but by me. but then in a wierd way I feel bad when im calling him about to scream at him for no reason, just because when it comes to him I have zero tolerance, that once upon a time seeing my number come up on his cell phone caller ID made him smile. but He wont let me care about him in anyway except to be together. and that just can't happen. argh Im so frustrated. and I want my girl interupted movie back and Im ready to go to nyc with shane right this moment. actualy just be with shane in general and I get to see BRAND NEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! im excited. yes call me emo IDC oh and I dyed my hair bright pink but I am far to lazy to upload at the moment.. give a thought

[12 Nov 2006|06:49pm] God my mom pisses me off so bad if u dont want to be upset then dont look threw my fucking shit its like she wants a excuse to be pissed off. everything was going fine. oh big deal she found some naked pictures oh big deal im fucking my boyfriend ENPHAZIE BOYFRIEND not random boy. 1 remembered| give a thought

[06 Nov 2006|04:40am] So It was my dads 50th bday last night, well his party atleast, me and my boyfriend went over to celebrate, had some margritas and sat around and listened to his crazy storys (ex acid, and pothead, it was the 70's) it makes me miss him a whole lot. he was a truck driver when I was younger so he was home maybe a week every three weeks, and then he moved away to fla, and I talked to him about alot of crappy things he did when I was alive, almost cried a few times, but I think im defently going to be spending more time with him ( anyways enough of me rambling here are some pictures ) give a thought

[01 Nov 2006|10:16pm] I feel like im on the outside looking in give a thought

[31 Oct 2006|06:50am] I just want to fucking cry. I feel so disgusted with my life. I feel so nervous all the time, what in the fuck is wrong with me, when can I be normal I just want a hug. and to cuddle but I can't get ahold of him and hes not online. I hate the way Only one person, or two at the most can make me feel better and one just moved all the way to highpoint and away from me. I promise im not always like this, I just use this place to bitch and complain, and thats what im doing. I went to go see saw3 today, with renee and her boyfriend. man small world. it was good, they better make a fourth. Im so fucking lonely. im going to go take my pills and curl up in bed. and hope I wake up in a good mood and without a headache tomrrow morning. I promise you make me happy. and I love you. and im a wierdo. give a thought

[28 Oct 2006|12:48am] wow. so this is reality? Ive been so fucked up from hospital drugs I didn't know if I was coming or going. but I guess im ok now, a little sick to my stomach but whatever I went in for servere abdonimal pains, but I think it was just that stomach virus everyone has seemed to be getting. I got morphine the first time I went in and then a script for Vicodin the second time I went in and A shit load of phenegran for my sickness meh I just want to feel better. so theres my half assed update 2 remembered| give a thought

[23 Oct 2006|01:02am] I MIGHT BE GOING TO TAMPA FLA THIS WEEKEND IM EXCITED. ok im done god nothing exciting happens in my life anymore give a thought

[20 Oct 2006|05:45am] Perfecia and little anemic puppy. I hope wherever u went U feel better :( I have such a big heart for animals. it may not seem like it but I hate to see them die. me and matt are friends. actual functioning friends. and that makes me happy. And I really hope he gets better. I hope this weekend is good Saw 3 is coming out and that makes me happy. im hungry as shit and my cats sleeping in my suitcase Oh I got to see kayla and her baby today, adorable. shes going to be a good mom. mmmmm I dont have much of anything to say goodnight livejournal, and world 1 remembered| give a thought

[12 Oct 2006|02:06pm] im a bitter fucking person. I can do what I want. but I expect him to be at home crying his stupid little eyes about me, and his future relationships to all be ruined because of me. or atleast thats the way I would have it. he called me last night drunk, granted I stayed on the phone and listened to the details, about allie it still fucking bothered me, I could have hung up anytime. but anything just to hurt me more. maybe I was trying to accomplish something? Not sure what. but he fucked her in the car twice the shower the hotel room. He claims im with a stupid 17 year old drugie when hes rambling about snorting coke, doing pills smoking weed, and drinking miller. whose the druggie now? and whose whoring himself out to every slut bag in western north carolina. and slutbags are not restricted to just girls, im sure hes taking it up the ass aswell. or atleast getting a little penis action somewhere in there. whose pathetic now? Well. him more then me atleast so I guess where even. oh I need a fucking cigerette and a hug. and shane is defently going to the mountains this weekend. owell. ill hopefully see him tomrrowish? EVen thoe I may be leaving for the beach friday afternoon. :( boo on this weekend. HAPPY BDAY SHANE!!! but I have a miami, and two nyc trips to look forward to chin up. this will pass. 2 remembered| give a thought

[08 Oct 2006|11:51pm] IM GOING TO NYC TWICE IN ONE MONTH me and analise are possibly going in the begging of december or the end of november, and then me and shane are going december 27th-30th. and im fucking excited just thought id share give a thought

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